Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
