so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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