he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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