you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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