College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
