at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
