it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
