I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
