I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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