so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
