I need to stop coming to work sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
