if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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