Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
