OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize