Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
