I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
