belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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