I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
