Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize