question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
