I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
