i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
