just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
