why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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