i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
