Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
