I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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