Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
