her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
