I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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