Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am one with the molecules
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
