i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
