yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
