he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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