I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
