His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
