It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Randomize
