and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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