Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
