belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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