Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
