new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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