If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
