apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
