I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
