And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
