he told me I talked like a deaf person
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
