You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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