And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
