I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
