Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
These tits shall not be calmed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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