im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize