I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
