____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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