I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
