Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize