And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize