Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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