People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
