How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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