I hope mine doesn't look like that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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